Infinite, that’s the word I’ve been given to write about. I look around for inspiration and as I pass a mirror I see the infinite lines around my eyes. I sigh. I’ve tried the creams and concealers with little result. Crows feet they call them. Well, I have a whole damn flock of crows living on my face. Alfred Hitchcock could have saved himself some money if he had cast me instead of Tippi Hedren.
Ruefully, I’m reminded of the day I was talking to a doctor friend about my infinite lines; I told him I wanted a facelift. We were standing in the hallway of a busy medical clinic, colleagues passing us on either side. See??? I asked, as I stretched back the skin around my eyes and pulled up the jowls that sat like parenthesis around my mouth. See??? I lisped, all slant-eyed and tight-lipped as I leaned in, my face resembling a little girl whose ponytail is tied too tight. He stared a few seconds, studying this caricature before him. We locked eyes, neither blinking. He then put his face so close to mine I could feel his heat. He looked all serious like and said, very slowly and quietly in my ear, “You’re a f*&!ing idiot.”
My reflex was to give a wide-eyed astonished look, but my face was still stretched like saran wrap so only my eyebrows moved and my teeth showed. I was frozen in place like that. I thought I heard noises I couldn’t quite identify and I wasn’t sure if they were coming from me or him. Then, the sound increased and before I knew it his laughter was loud and long. Infinite even. I looked left and looked right, people had stopped in their tracks and were staring. Even I was staring. And finally, when I could think again amid his laughter, I let go of my face. By this point, he was staggering down the hall making little progress in suppressing his mirth.
Needless to say, I have avoided a facelift discussion since. I’ve also avoided that particular doctor friend. And aviaries, I don’t need to see any more crows. I wear glasses now anyways. I will learn to be content with my aging looks and I’ll fly through life with my face to the wind (the G-forces may help). As such, I’ve resigned myself to the fact the lines around my eyes are here to stay, indefinitely.