If I Had an Online Dating Profile …

If I had an online dating profile: I’m a blond blue-eyed educated country girl. I am not a stick figure and never will be. I have curves in all the right places and several in the wrong places. I am not looking for someone to pay my bills, fix my problems, raise my kids, or get me out of a bad situation. I already did that myself. I also will not pay your bills, fix your problems, raise your kids, or get you out of a bad situation. I did that once, then I divorced him. I’m easy going unless you disrespect me, or my kids, or try to tear me down – then I will turn on you like a hyena on crack. I’m a bit of a workaholic. I’m a definite bookaholic. I could be an alcoholic, but I refuse to be labeled. I have my own money. You should have your’s too. I’m a self made successful woman who plans to be even more so. I wear high heels to work and barn boots to play. I own a tractor and know how to use it, it helps if you do too. I own guns and I know how to use them; I don’t care if you know how, just as long as you know I know how. I can’t cook and I don’t eat fast food. Skills in the kitchen would get my attention. You should be neat. Don’t expect me to clean your house, I have someone that cleans mine for me. I’ll give you his number. You have to like my kind of music and it’s a bonus if you can create it. I’m very picky about who I sleep with so don’t get your hopes up. I like to be courted- take me to a nice place to eat, open the car door, pull out the chair, help me with my coat… but don’t think you can control my thoughts or my behavior. Trust me, you won’t like a cracked up hyena.

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